and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
