I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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