Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
