He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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