those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
