Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
