I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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