Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
