Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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