Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
