i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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