I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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