last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
