Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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