I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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