Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
