We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
