her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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