I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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