I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
