Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
