woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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