I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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