bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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