I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
