we're blogging at a bar
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
