we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
