How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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