One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
