the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
