I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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