I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
