i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
