I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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