No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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