Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
