I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
