My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
