allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
