Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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