a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
