I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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