there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
