I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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