All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
