After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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