Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
