I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
