Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I still have a little drunk in my system
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
