ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
