Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
